Forward

The Star

One of my greatest joys is  reading and studying God's word.  Some days, I only read 1 or 2 verses because they just speak to me - or often, puzzle me.  Other times, I read chapter after chapter and take in the words like a thirsty man takes in water.

Honestly, reading God's word is actually one of my greatest struggles.  So many things - unimportant things - struggle for my attention and time.   Some days, I joyfully bound downstairs to read His word and other days, I open my Bible and just stare blankly only to close the good Book and read something else for awhile.


Actually, my favorite days are those that begin with the struggle to sit down and be still and
while struggling to comprehend God's universe,  suddenly, the words jump off the page and His words are alive and vibrant and I see a new facet of Christ.

That has been the entire Christmas season.  Reading through different passages of prophecy and the story of the Nativity, the old story has become new.  Again!




Today, I was in Matthew --

Matthew 2:1-11

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of King Herod, wise men from the east arrived unexpectedly in Jerusalem, saying, “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him.”

When King Herod heard this, he was deeply disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him.  So he assembled all the chief priests and scribes of the people and asked them where the Messiah would be born.

“In Bethlehem of Judea,” they told him, “because this is what was written by the prophet:

          And you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
          are by no means least among the leaders of Judah:
          because out of you will come a leader
          who will shepherd My people Israel.”

Then Herod secretly summoned the wise men and asked them the exact time the star appeared.  He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. When you find Him, report back to me so that I too can go and worship Him.”

After hearing the king, they went on their way. And there it was—the star they had seen in the east! It led them until it came and stopped above the place where the child was.  When they saw the star, they were overjoyed beyond measure.  Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary His mother, and falling to their knees, they worshiped Him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 

As I read this today, a few points popped out at me:

   1.)  Why did the wisemen go to Herod?  Was it just to honor the local dignitary or had they lost sight of the star?

   2.)  If the Wise Men had followed the star for what some people way smarter than I put at up to 2 years, why had no one in Bethlehem noticed it?  Wouldn't a bright, beaming star be hard to miss?  Or was the star, like a prophet, not received in it's own land?

   3.)  Not only was Herod disturbed by the thought of the birth of a King, but "all of Jerusalem with him."  Why?  Did they want a King?  Or did they not want their current time of peace disturbed?

   4.)  "Herod secretly summoned the wise men" - deceit is often flattering.  At first.  Hence, the need for discernment is so important.

   

Then lastly,  - "And there it was - they star they had seen in the east!"   

These faithful men had followed a star from their homeland, across the desert, not knowing exactly what they would find at the end of the journey.  When they lost vision of their guide, they sought human leadership and they didn't bring them an answer.

Then, suddenly, when they did not know where to go, God revealed their path!  There it was!

I get that!  Here we are in a new "land."  Living in Illinois for 7 months, 1364.7 miles from our Colorado home.  25 hours  from friends and 12 hours to the closest family.  We've known God brought us here.  Yet the past few weeks, I've missed the mountains and my Family of Choice and my family.  

My eyes were not on the Star.  They were on me.  

"And there it was," - - - my answer today.  

In a moment of quiet, God whispered in my ear, "Kimberly, the star revealed itself to those who were looking for it.   You've been lost lately because you were looking for my direction in the wrong place, like they did in Herod's palace.  Then you began looking to your own strength and you were overwhelmed.  Look up!  I will reveal myself to you.  In my time!"

Will you stop what you are doing right now?  Be still.  Look up.

"Father God, I pray that you reveal your Star to your Child in your special way this very moment.    For the one who has lost their way, be a path home.  For the one who is hurting, be their path to healing.  For those who mourn, be their Light of Joy.  Let them look up and be amazed for there you are!  The Light of Glory!  Amen."

The Magnificat - Always Faithful

This cold Tuesday morning finds me awake early and sitting in my office, lit only with a string of Christmas lights across the windows and a small desk lamp.  In the living room, the Christmas tree glows against the reflection of our first snowfall in Illinois.   It’s quiet.  Peaceful.  Even the sound of the nearby highway has become part of the background noise that is now home and it's soft roar is restful.

The Holiday decorations beg that I start an Advent reading today for the Christmas Season.  Luke, Chapter 1.   One of my favorite sections of verse, The Magnificat.  The hymn of praise that Mary gives to God after the angels whispers that she has been chosen as the mother of the Christ child.

     “My soul doth magnify the Lord,

      And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

      For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden:

         for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall 
                call me  blessed.

      For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.

      And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.

      He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of           

         their hearts.

      He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.

      He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.

      He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;

      As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.”

                              Luke 1:46-55 (KJV)

It was in college that I first fell in love with The Magnificat.  The University Chorale sang one every year and my freshman year, the version was in the King James translation.  It was a simple melody with simple harmonies that still echo in my head.   

In times when my heart was full of praise, these words would come as a song of the abundance His blessings.   And in dark days, when I couldn’t lift my head, the Song of Mary declared that He has not forgotten me.

Now, 29 years later, I sit in the quiet of my home and read a new translation:

             “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,

                 and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior,

                 because He has looked with favor

                 on the humble condition of His slave.

             Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed,

                 because the Mighty One has done great things for me,

                 and His name is holy.

            His mercy is from generation to generation on those who fear Him.

            He has done a mighty deed with His arm;

            He has scattered the proud because of the thoughts of their hearts;

            He has toppled the mighty from their thrones  and exalted the lowly.

            He has satisfied the hungry with good things and sent the rich away empty.

            He has helped His servant Israel, mindful of His mercy,

                  just as He spoke to our ancestors,  to Abraham and his descendants forever.”      

                                             (Holman Christian Standard Version)

Mary's praise was genuine and even prophetic, but this holy pregnancy did not bring her what she expected. 

From Mary’s own words we can see that she never imagined raising a teacher but she saw a Warrior.  Words like “toppled” and “scattered” do not describe an academic but a Conqueror.   Poor carpenters do not “exalt” or feed the hungry and disperse the wealthy.   Mary answered the Angel’s call and knew that she would be honored and blessed as the mother of God - but did she know it would be decades before that would happen?

My entire life, I had imagined Mary as a meek, obedient child of 13 who had known her place as a female child in Jewish society.  She served her family.  Washed clothes.  Tended livestock.  Cooked for the family.

Then suddenly, I saw on the page, a strong-willed  daughter of Zion who had studied Torah over the shoulder of her brothers and sat outside the Temple wall listening to the discussions and prayers of the Elders and they waited for Messiah.   A student who learned the prophecies and prayed for a deliverer.   A dreamer who could see into the future where there was peace and bellies did not go to bed empty.   

This young maiden must have had a resiliency and tenacity that God knew would carry her through the moments of telling her family of her coming child and endure the months of shunning by her village.  Maybe even a little streak of defiance in her bones that would strengthen her in the days and years to come.  

In one quiet morning, a new connection was made with Mary.  She wasn’t so far removed from myself.  She was strong.  Tough even — at 9 months pregnant, she rode a donkey across the desert in order to be with her husband!

In the next 34 years, Mary must have seen those early expectations replaced with new realities.  Like most expectant mothers, Mary may have found the fatigue to be overwhelming yet it prepared her to birth a child in a stable, far from home and family.   The reality of raising God’s son may have caused her sleepless nights, but it taught her to release in prayer those things which our mind can never reason.   Each season of life, though unexpected, prepared her for the next.   

Later we find Mary at the feet of Jesus as her son is crucified - the most horrible of deaths reserved for the worse criminals.    In grief, she collapses in the dirt and mud made with her child’s blood.  And in my heart,  I hear her whisper —

My soul still proclaims the greatness of the Lord and 

My spirit still rejoices in God my Savior. 
                                He is Faithful. 

His mercy is still from generation to generation.

He has done mighty deeds - and He will do more. 
                                            He is Faithful. 

He will topple the mighty and exalt the lowly.

He has saved His servant Israel - 
                                                                     He is Faithful.

Today, rest in the unexpected.
Rejoice in the surprises.
Remember - He is Faithful. 

Paralyzed

Have you ever experienced paralysis?  Complete or Partial?

The closest I have ever come to paralysis is surgical anesthesia and post-op medications.  But, I guess that really doesn't count because my mind wasn't fully functioning either.

Only once do I remember being awake and hearing all that was going on around me and not being able to move my arms or legs or communicate and I thought, "I'm dying."   Obviously, I didn't die but I still remember lying on the table and not able to control my own body.

My daughter has talked about being trapped in her own body - her mind wanting to go and do and be places but her body just not cooperating.

Paralysis is defined as the loss of ability to move, and sometimes feel anything.  The cause?  The result of illness, poison or injury.

I've felt paralyzed lately.

The past 12 months have been one of constant motion and change and challenge.  Beginning with a call from our daughter's doctor that they could no longer help her and she needed to seek care for her complicated cerebral palsy in either Los Angeles or Chicago;  my husband having to travel for his job, leaving me to manage 17 acres alone;  then door after door that God opened and led to us moving - 25 hours away from our Mountain Family of Choice - people we had done life with for 11 years; 34 hours from my dad, my greatest cheerleader.  And here I am in Northern Illinois - minutes from Wisconsin and Lake Michigan.

But relocating my family wasn't all i did - we moved and 6 weeks later, I followed Ashley on a missions trip to London and Greece which left my wrecked.  Home and 2 weeks later a family reunion.  Then, we returned to continue to unpack a house, organize Ashley's senior year, began the onslaught of new doctor's visits and tests.

And I crashed.

I reached the point my body was exhausted, my mind was drained and the past 4 weeks, I have merely gone through the motions.

The enormity of everything that has transpired in 12 months left me injured.  There's a grief - I miss my friends and family of choice and I miss the tall mountains and the elk in my yard.

And now healing starts.

The celebration of the new - I can drive into downtown Chicago and back out without a map!  I have new friends - Joyce cracks me up!   Things I enjoy - so much soccer!  

There's new purpose too.

Time to write - which actually left me paralyzed again.  I have been so bogged won in the format, in the look, in the platform and the content that I could not type - I just walked away from the computer.

My paralysis wasn't all bad.  It made me be still and and feel and face the change.

And now, the cloak of immobility is falling away and I'm stretching my limbs and exercising my mind and writing again.

My mountains may not be here to remind me of God's strength, but the wide-open skies of the plains remind me - my God's grace is wide and knowns no end.

Patience

Please...don't give up hope!

It's coming.  Frankly, I"ve been avoiding it.  I've not blogged in awhile and frankly - do I wanna be so transparent again?

So, I'm working on it....

Welcome to Our World!

It's Messy.  Busy.  Loud.  Dirty.  Chaotic.  Restless.  Crowded.  Lonely.  Frenetic.  Disturbing.  Senseless.  Joyous.  Hilarious.  Weepy.  Loving.

It's complicated.

Beautifully Complicated.

I've been out of the blogging world for a bit except for a wonderful women's blog I submit to for a dear friend.

It's time to return though.  To share our Beautifully Complicated World with others.

I will try to be brief - time is precious.
    But no promises.
    Words come easy sometimes.

I will try to not be sappy - who wants to cry all the time?
    But no promises.
    I am a mom after all.

I will try to always point you to Christ - He's the reason for My Hope.
    But no promises.
    I'm human.  I have questions.  I have issues.

I will try to just be me.
    That's all I know.
    And sometimes that's way too much for some people!

Thanks for joining this ride!